You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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