I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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