Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
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Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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