sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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