I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
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I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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