The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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