Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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