I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
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Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
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When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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