one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize