I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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