i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize