After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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