he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
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So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
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She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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