Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize