"it" just moved
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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