How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
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We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
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I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize