thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize