dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
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I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
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You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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