i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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