I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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