My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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