ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
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I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
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I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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