It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize