remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize