I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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