I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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