Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
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Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
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I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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