my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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