He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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