I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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