so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize