I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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