I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
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dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize