Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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