Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize