i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
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Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
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No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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