Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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