brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
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Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
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how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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