Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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