weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
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I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
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Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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