Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Randomize