If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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