I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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