I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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