I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
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The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
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Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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