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You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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