Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize