I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize