Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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