Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
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when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
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Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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